As Going Private readers know, the number of times I reply publicly to reader mail is small, but finite. However, occasionally I am motivated (usually by the lack of any semblance of an idea for a "real" post) to post and reply to reader mail. It can generally be assumed that if I am doing this it is because I am feeling guilty about neglecting readers. Of course, I used to use the "Overheard" section for this purpose, but it was so transparent a cloak for my lack of industry that I have since abandoned the practice. Alas, I fear today is "Reader Mail" day again.
From: Daniel Loeb <firstname.lastname@example.org>
To say that I am honored that such an award has been created in my name
is an understatement. God Bless You.
Daniel S. Loeb
Third Point LLC
(In response to the Going Private Awards, which include The Daniel Loeb "Chief Value Destroyer" Award). Do please note that we are still accepting entries for the awards.
"I'm not sure how you've managed to keep up the level of wit and insight in your posts for so long..."
Boredom and plenty of absurd material.
"Are you ambulatory?"
(In reference to my recent injury). Yes. And I have a huge supply of the most kick-ass recreati... er... therapeutic painkillers.
"Do you have a sweet cane with a skull and a hidden retractable dagger?"
(Also in reference to my recent injury). No, but the cool stainless steel pins that are sticking out of my hand are quite intimidating during negotiating sessions. I've been nicknamed "Equity Sissorhands." When I take off the brace on my hand and type (which I am not supposed to do) the pins describe interesting patterns in the air.
"Care to comment on the latest BS from Guy Kawasaki?"
In a fit of mental self-preservation, I now do my very best to ignore that moron. And, thank you VERY much for breaking my important therapy regimen.
"...the art department just called. They were wondering whether you would sit for a picture?"
(From one of the rare breed of competent media professionals I granted an interview). No.
"It appears you're well on the way to mending, when sexual allusions appear in a financial blog...."
(Referring to "The Blackberry Monologues"). What sexual allusions?
"By the way, I think [Portfolio Magazine] has noticed your contempt: GP does not make Felix Salmon's blogroll. I am sure you are pleased."
"You are a Luddite."
(In reference to my piece on "software as a service.")
"Fuck Google. Those are the motherfuckers sitting in Seattle Starbucks trying not to spill shit on their baby macs. But doubting web applications is failing to recognize blatantly obvious trends and efficiencies that have yet to be exploited because of personal biases."
(In response to the same post- lots of pundits disliked my irreverent treatment of this "important technology,"- one so much so that they sent me a bibliography- and my suggestion that if the emailer really loved "software as a service" they should invest in Google and see how that works out).
"Hello Friend, This mail might come to you as a surprise and the temptation to ignore it as unserious could come into your mind; but please consider it a divine wish and accept it with a deep sense of humility, It is indeed my pleasure to write you..."
(One of dozens of similar scams I get daily).
"I read your blog quite a bit....I think we share the same kind of humor."
God, I hope not.
"What do you think of Richard Dawkins?"
One has to be impressed with a guy who marries the reincarnation of Romana.
"Being social, for the most part most of humankind wants to be liked, loved and have friends."
This fails, utterly, to explain the Debt Bitch.
"Just wanted to say that I've read every article you've posted now and find everything you write extremely entertaining."
You haven't finished this one yet.
"Durka durka durka, jihad."
(In an email containing no other text).