From Idea Froth, which references a blog by Peter Klausler, an engineer at Cray, Inc., I find an interesting missive titled: Principles of the American Cargo Cult. The reference is to so called "cargo cults" in the pacific, emulating the acts of allied soldiers in hopes of attracting the goods (cargo) that had been previously delivered by air during the second world war. The key belief being that a certain totemistic sort of emulation (building thatched mock-ups of planes, making runways out of twigs) and not effort or commerce will cause higher powers to deliver the goods ("cargo").
Klausler's outline of the various elements of the modern equivalent got me thinking, particularly these items:
The end supports the explanation of the means
A successful person's explanation of the means of his success is highly credible by the very fact of his success
You can succeed by emulating the purported behavior of successful people
This is the key to the cargo cult. To enjoy the success of another, just mimic the rituals he claims to follow. Your idol gets the blame if things don't work out, not you
These two certainly would seem to explain the otherwise baffling popularity of otherwise totally absurd and useless business books built around modern personality cult figures.
Klausler reflects on the origins of his outline:
I wrote these principles after reflecting on the content of contemporary newspapers and broadcast media and why that content disquieted me. I saw that I was not disturbed so much by what was written or said as I was by what is not. The tacit assumptions underlying most popular content reflect a worldview that is orthogonal to reality in many ways. By reflecting this skewed weltanschauung, the media reinforces and propagates it.
I call this worldview the American Cargo Cult, after the real New Guinea cargo cults that arose after the second world war. There are four main points, each of which has several elaborating assumptions. I really do think that most Americans believe these things at a deep level, and that these misbeliefs constantly underlie bad arguments in public debate.
What other wisdom could be culled from Klausler's outline? At the
risk of joining the ranks of these other useless business advice pulp
writers, I've taken the original and modified it to be more "useful"
(read: humorous) to the private equity professional when considering the typical attitude within many portfolio
firms, particularly those that have long labored under the yoke of large, uncaring and publically held parents. My deletions in strike-through, additions in underline.
I. Ignorance is innocence Complicated explanations (those from the customer, for instance) are suspect The world is simple, and there must be a simple explanation for everything; The finance department, therefore, is always full of shit Certainty is strength, doubt is weakness, except when doubt is strength and certainty is weakness (during board meetings or any other committee environment) Admitting alternatives is undermining one's own Changing one's mind means one has wasted the time Your non-opinion matters as much as anyone else's When a person has studied a topic, he has no more real knowledge than you do, just a hidden agenda; this is doubly true of management or anyone from the parent company The herd should be followed just closely enough so that you can both avoid the tiger trap AND plausibly claim to have been the only contrarian when half the herd falls into the tiger trap The contemplative lemming gets trampled the absentee lemming avoids disaster entirely II. Causality is selectable All interconnection is apparent but the finance department cannot see it Otherwise, complicated explanations would be necessary, and this would needlessly empower the finance department The end supports the explanation of the means A successful person's explanation of the means of his success is highly credible by the very fact of his success unless he is a member of management in which case success is pure luck and irreproducable through any human effort or without a large inheritance You can succeed by emulating the purported behavior of successful non-management people; like Tony Robbins. This is doubly true if the behavior is described in a best-selling book, or any book suggested by Oprah This is the key to the cargo cult. To enjoy the success of another, just mimic the rituals he claims to follow You have a right to your shares and options You get to define the number of your shares and options III. It is not your fault so long as you aren't a member of management If it's good for you, it's good Society is everyone else Consequences are things that happen to others because of management Only you can hold yourself accountable. Don't let others make you do that You are not the problem the finance department is the problem; or maybe human resources, but probably the finance department An ugly image means a bad mirror. IV. Death or bankruptcy is unnatural You're special; management is special ed Tragedy is a synonym for calamity Bad things are never consequences of one's own action or inaction when management is around to blame There will be justice provided the right attorney will take your case Bad people get punished unless they are in managementbelief position in the office-political pecking order; pointing out flaws, however, undermines other's position in the office-political pecking orderspent holding coming up with the prior opinion, ergo, great effort should be expended not to hold any opinions
Popular beliefs must be true, unless they are popular with management
No bad idea can survive
People are generally smart (except management)
Even if a popular belief doesn't pan out, at least you'll be in the same boat as everyone else, that is unless you followed the herd following and absentee rules above, in which case you can laugh comfortably from a distance
Your idol gets the blame if things don't work out, not you
The number of your shares and options is the least you will accept without crying injustice before threatening human resources with a lawsuit
The number of your shares and options is therefore proportional to the credibility and strength of your blackmail material in the eyes of the legal and human resources departments
Celebrate getting more than your share of shares and options by emailing a how-to guide to others in your group; alternatively, sell them, buy a sports team and start a blog
Good intentions suffice bad intentions can be well disguised
You can always apologize but if you were clever no one will ever know it was your fault in the first place
There is no long term unless you are computing damages for your wrongful termination lawsuit
Don't miss an opportunity to miss an opportunity to work (see absentee lemming rule)
If somebody starts the blame game, you can still win it with the right attorney
There are evil people and institutions, and surely one of them, probably human resources, is more responsible than you are
Bad things shouldn't happen to you unless you have someone to sue for them
Pain is wrong except for that girl who cost you your promotion by outperforming you
Life should not hurt anyone except for that girl who cost you your promotion by outperforming you
It's a Whiffle World
You, however, will be forgiven, even if you weren't clever enough to avoid discovery
